i haven’t been sleeping 

but when i do 

i don’t let myself sleep beneath the covers 

because lately i’ve been getting tangled up in the blankets 

and my mother worries i will choke myself 

so i have not unmade my bed 

in twenty one days

and since i stopped sleeping 

i don’t know what to do with my time 

so i’ve been planning my funeral 

i want to be buried in a garden 

so i can feel like i’m a part of something 

and i don’t want an open casket since that means they’ll have to put makeup on me 

and just once i’d like to be undisturbed from the burdens of beauty 

so leave the unsightly unsightly 

and don’t water the grass around my grave 

let the dead stay dead 

and when i die i’d like someone to delete my search history

how do i make friends / do i have a brain tumor / 

should i tell him i still love him / do i need therapy / 

how to make lasagna / do i have cancer / how to make love stay

not because i have anything to hide 

but because i don’t want people to know just how much 

i struggle to be human