i haven’t been sleeping, but when i do, i don’t let myself sleep beneath the covers. because lately i’ve been getting tangled up in the blankets and my mother worries i will choke myself. so i have not unmade my bed in twenty one days.

and since i stopped sleeping, i don’t know what to do with my time. so i’ve been planning my funeral. i want to be buried in a garden, so i can feel like i’m a part of something. and i don’t want an open casket since that means they’ll have to put makeup on me, and just once i’d like to be undisturbed from the burdens of beauty. so leave the unsightly unsightly, and don’t water the grass around my grave. let the dead stay dead. 

and when i die i’d like someone to delete my search history

how do i make friends / do i have a brain tumor / should i tell him i still love him / do i need therapy / how to make lasagna / do i have cancer / how to make love stay

not because i have anything to hide, but because i don’t want people to know just how much i struggle to be human