i remember this time when / i was eight years old and / i thought i could save everyone so / i hid your bottles in my bedroom / buried them beneath stuffed animals and naivety but / then you found them just like always and / i think that’s when i realized that / i’d be losing you forever and / there was nothing i could do about it and / i remember sneaking into the kitchen to try a sip because / i wanted to see if it was worth everything you’d lost but / then you stumbled in / with the sour smell of shame seeping from your pores and / i knew then that i could never give you what it could but / god knows i tried and / i keep bringing up things i remember because i know you don’t / i know this now because i never used to but / i remember a time when / i would wait on the stoop until night came and / i would tell my teachers / ‘don’t worry he’ll be here soon’ and / i would guard your name the way i would a pinky promise and / i guess what i’m trying to say is that / i’ve been making a fool of myself since the day i was born because / to give up on you is to admit that everyone was right / to give up on you is to go back to being eight years old / to give up on you is to get it through my skull that / i am not saving anyone.