today i learned that skin cells replace themselves every twenty-seven days. only ten more days and i will live in a new body. this should give me hope. i mean it does give me hope, but it also doesn’t because the scars are still there. and i’m not sure there’s any way of getting rid of them. i’ve tried brushing my teeth the way the dentist always tell you to (with no remorse) but even though i’ve been spitting blood for years, the taste settled into my molars that night. and i keep taking showers, sometimes three in one day, and i stand there pruning up and waiting for the water to run clear. and that’s when i realize that it’s been clear for days but i don’t know if it will ever feel that way so i guess this is me asking for something back. i’m not sure what exactly, maybe the apologies and the silence and the water i wasted. only ten more days.